There seems to be an ongoing, revolving door of banshees that are screaming in the ears of my inner most heart.
And, some of those banshees look like me… because I’m the one screaming at myself sometimes.
It’s a sea of noise that turns my bones to ice, making treacherous the way, leaving behind not the fog of war, but a massacre.
Why do I do the screaming?
Because of a fear that that delusion of thinking of anything there’s anything good in me will lead me down the path of arrogance again…
I acknowledge it’s fear in extremes…
Because the Lord is a Lord of temperance, centeredness, and peace.
It’s because I allow the world and myself… my innermost heart… speak to an already unsettled and rickety mind that sometimes feels like its on the verge of plunging into infinite shadows…
But, I remember what’s at stake.
I remember what the Lord did.
I remember what the Lord gave.
And, I can’t allow myself down that path… the path of hopelessness, despair, nihilism, and death.
There’s too much to be fought for… and I’m part of that fight… fighting for myself, but also… because there’s more at stake than just my world… my cares, my pains…
The pains of others, which from the outside looking, look 10000x heavier… what about them? Who is taking care of them?
I know You are, God…
But, is there more that could be done for them if people like me weren’t so in our heads?
These hearts cry out… they scream, and loud.
Hearts in anguish.
And, the state of our broken world… torn apart by war and hate… death day after day…
The dead cry out…. for justice and for vengeance…
The suffering cry out for hope.
The wars outside create wars inside…
what can be done for them?
I’m just one person… but on top of that,
My failures scream…
My past screams…
My broken heart screams…
My hate screams…
My anger screams…
My bitterness screams…
My fear screams…
People scream…
The World screams…
The Devil screams……
And, I listen.
I lost Your voice the woods because like I stupid kid I wandered… wandered away from You…
You don’t scream like everything else…
You whisper.
I need new ears to hear, God…. because I’ve deafened mine.
I need to hear where you need me to go.
I need to remember that You love me.
Let Your voice drown out and also be the answer to everything that screams.